Saturday, February 13, 2010


And a year ago today...I became a father.

I imagine most fathers-to-be have a feeling of "oh my goodness, how am i supposed to be dad" right before it actual happens. We'll I was no different. But I had a little dash of "How am I supposed to be dad...of a baby with "special needs" all mixed in. So perhaps an elevated height of anxiety on my part was present.

As I think back now, and play back how the day went I could almost lay it out for you all without missing a single detail. It's that vivid in my head. I mean, it's not everyday you become a dad for the first time and it's not everyday you know your son has a giant hole in his back and needs surgery on the day he's born. So yeah, not an easy thing to forget :) So without touching on every single detail I'll hit up the one's that are top on my list.

First, I had to wear goofy scrubs and had a serious issue getting my face mask on, I was all flustered and had a hard time tying it up around my head. I remember as I stood outside the operating room where Leigh was, and thinking my heart was gonna exploded out of my chest...I had never been so anxious/nervous in all my life.

then they called me in... things went fast at that point. I felt calm, surprisingly calm, I remember repeating Isaiah 41:10 to my self while holding Leigh's hand. A few minutes went by...and then I remember the doctor asking if I wanted to see the baby's face. I stood up and peeked over the blue divider and saw Grey for the first time... it was amazing!! Sure I could only see his head, but then he stared to make some noise and cry softly. I sat back down. Minutes later he was out and I remember seeing his back and thinking, "wow I thought is was going to be way more gruesome than this." You see we have a tendency to let our imaginations get the best of us when the unknown presents itself. That's what happened to me. I thought our baby was going to be a mangled up little mess when we was born. Turns out he was shockingly cute. Leigh and I were both very surprised at how cute he was minutes after being born. (sure we are biased) :) After only a few minutes with him he was taken to the NICU, and I remember breathing so much easier. Yes, he still had a long day ahead of him, but I finally was able to meet him!!! Worry melted away. I wasn't in denial or anything, I knew he had spina bifida, heck i had about 50 pictures of the lesion on his back that proved it, but there was a sense of "I can do this, we can do this. I'm a dad, I'll be a good dad."

And so I have a years worth of experience on my Dad resume, and have to say it's the most rewarding job i've ever had!

Happy Birthday Grey, I can't even say how much I love you without crying. (Oh yeah, when you become a Dad, it doesn't matter how tough or hardcore you are, you become an emotional mess)





Joanna and David said...

You are NOT biased - he was beautiful as soon as he was born! :) Thank you again for posting all you did during such a busy, new, emotional time of your lives. I really, really cannot thank you enough. :)

Nate and Emily said...

Ha ha, I was also going to say your not biased! I remember seeing him for the first time and he was stunning (can you say that for a boy?)

The Dugan's said...

HA I'll agree with what's already been said....I have always thought your little man is adorable!!!! Great thing are to come for you guys! Happy Birthday Greyson!

Jill said...

Beautiful!! Congratulations on your first year of parenthood and Happy Birthday Grey!

Leigh said...

I just found you when I searched for my blog - my husband is Andy and I am Leigh (Myers). We have a 4 month old daughter Norah. We are also believers and love being new parents - so I thought it was kind of cool to find you guys ;)

Leigh Myers

Condit Family said...

hey thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. i don't think 1 is too young to start learning verses! if you just say them to him everyday, one of these days he will surprise you and bust one out!! anyway, james has a mobile stander, and it's great because it helped him learn how to steer a wheel chair. maybe you could get one with wheels? anyway, i remember the first year or so was the hardest. it does get easier. you can call me anytime you need another momma who understands. 530-876-8963.