Thursday, September 23, 2010

2 years...

How can it possibly be two years already? Two years ago tomorrow, my life changed in a way that I never expected. Changed in a way that now almost defines who I am. September 24, 2008 was the day we found out about Greyson's spina bifida. I won't go into detail about that day...you all know it by now. Most of you reading this have had your own day. As I sit here tonight, I can't help but wonder if there will ever be a time where I feel like that person again. The person I was before September 24, 2008. That person didn't know anything about spina bifida, tethered cord, hydrocephalus, AFOs, the difference between a programmable vs. non-programmable shunt, the signs of a shunt malfunction, what a VCUG was, what a urodynamics was, that person most certainly COULD NOT cath someone. That person didn't lie awake at night feeling like I didn't do enough PT that day, or lie awake going over the pros and cons of getting KAFOs over AFOs, she didn't worry about appointments, or make a list of the different medical supply companies to call trying to find the right catheters, or know the fear of the surgical family waiting room... BUT, that person didn't know how much she could love another person. Didn't know what it was like to cry tears of joy over her baby sitting up by himself for the first time, or rolling over. She didn't know what it would sound like the first time her son would say "mama" the or what it would feel like the first time he would give her a hug. She had no idea how she could just look at his face and know exactly what he needed. I never knew this kind of love before and I am SO GLAD that I will never be that person again. The person who took things for granted...took life for granted. As hard and as sad as that day was...my life has changed in the best way, I have become the person that I was meant to be...this little guy's mama...

21 comments:

Amanda said...

Look at that gorgeous boy!
Such a great reminder that the good outweighs the bad. I think sometimes we moms need that reminder. I didn't think about marking the second year anniversary of the diagnosis - but I think you did a great job of it.

Colleen said...

So well said, Leigh! And gorgeous little boy!

krousehouse said...

He is a gorgeous little boy, and you said that beautifully .

HennHouse said...

He is amazing.

So are you.

KeicherMom said...

Very well articulated. Even with all that comes with SB, the things we worry about, do, plan for, manage, freak out about - that it pails in comparison to the beauty and awe that our kids are.

Lacy said...

Great post and so true! As always, Grey is the most gorgeous little boy ever!!!

Jessica said...

Happy day tommorrow lil man!

Scasmflops said...

Beautiful post!!!! Love you guys!! We found out on Friday, September 25, 2009. In my mind tomorrow, even though its the 24th, is our one year anniversary of that day. It will always be a Friday that changed my life. And as you so wonderfully put it its changed us but for different reasons than those on our journey could understand. Tomorrow is a hard day, but a happy day as we look at our miracle boys and thank the Lord for all the good we have.

Coleman and Lauren said...

As always, such a great post. Don't you wish you could go back and tell yourself all that? Thanks for all the encouragement. Lewis is lucky to have such a great kid to look up to and I'm so happy to have his mommy as a friend :)

Heather Weir said...

He's beautiful.

Very well said. Thanks for the reminder of all the good yet to come and is here now!

Kelly said...

What a beautiful post Leigh. I needed that reminder right now of all the wonderful things I have to look forward to with my two beautiful boys instead of all the things my mind wants to worry about. Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to bring Grayden home to meet you guys.

April said...

I have to say it... Parker is getting so big!!! Ooops I mean Grey!!! Come on.... The resemblance is nuts!!!! He's such a beautiful little man.... Full of soul... I can see it in his eyes!!! Lots of love to you all!

Summers Family said...

Wow, 2 years. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It was beautifully written! Beautiful boy and a beautiful family!

Our children have brought us together and I am very thankful for that.

Happy weekend friend.

Holli (and Mark) said...

Just beautiful, your words AND your little boy. Can't believe how big he's getting. I"m starting to see it over here in glimpses too, the babies turning into little boys. so bittersweet, part of me kind of wants them all to stay babies forever. Grey is such a cutie!!! LOVE that pic!

JourneyWithTheCrosiers said...

Such a meaningful post. Thank you for your honesty of those oh-so-real things that I don't want to know about either.
Gorgeous picture of Grey!

matt said...

So stinkin' cute!

Stephanie said...

You said it-only looking forward from here on out. So many wonderful things in our kiddos future! Grey just gets cuter by the minute-and I just bought that same grey and navy striped shirt for Nate! Great minds think alike! :) Hugs to you guys!

Jill said...

Two years! So much happens in two years. It's amazing how much a little being can change everything about you. I think the anniversary date will always stay with us moms, don't you? It probably won't sting so much after a while, but it will never go away.

Meinhardt Family said...

Beautiful post. Grey is an AMAZING little man. I love, love, love the pic. Give him lots of love, hugs and kisses from chicago.

lysette said...

Grey is getting so big and handsome!!! What a blessing he is!!!

Ambitious Blonde said...

Grey is soo adorable, and just proves drs sometimes have no clue. This is a great post and I am so glad to have found your blog via SBC. :)